Reflections on Fifty

Well, I’ve been anticipating it all year, but the time finally came this month to welcome my 50th birthday.  This summer has been full of reminiscing for me, and this topic is no exception.  Think back to some of your birthday milestones.  I remember my fellow campers singing “Sixteen Candles” for my 16th at Camp Koinonia.  At 17 I took my first dunk in the GATA fountain at ACU while doing Summer Scholars. On my 25th birthday, we were mourning the loss of Brian’s mom and also expecting our first child. For my 30th, my parents gave me the best birthday present ever – a KitchenAid mixer, still going strong. Number 46 was spent with Brian’s extended family, a moment of joy in the midst of sorrow, since his dad, Fred, died the day before.

With the exception of the mixer (an epic win, and hard to forget because I use it all the time), I really can’t remember much in terms of gifts or parties.  What I do think of is the glorious quilt of relationships God has blessed me with over these 50 years. My youngest friend is baby George; the oldest, Roland Johnson at 99. I have friends as near as Abilene and those who live as far away as China, Ukraine, and Australia. I had the great gift of knowing three of my great-grandparents, all four of my grandparents into adulthood, and still have two remaining.  I never doubted my parents’ love, and I was grafted in as a daughter to the Hahn family.  Those closest to my heart – Brian, Katie, and Bekah – have loved me unconditionally through depression, sickness, joy and sorrow.  Why would I possibly need a present when I have so much already?

Though I have much yet to learn and many miles to go on my journey, I have learned a few things.

• Fifty really is nifty. And fabulous.
• According to Proverbs, "Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness" (Prov. 16:31).  I am thankful I didn’t have to be righteous on my own, so I’ll give thanks for the gray hair, too.
• Laughter makes everything better, and singing does, too.  I'll be happy to be remembered as a person who laughed and sang often and with enthusiasm. And I'm thankful to have passed on the gift of laughter to my girls.

• My old eyes may have a hard time reading small print, but they're getting better and better at seeing the fingerprints of God all around me - in nature, in children, in relationships.  So beautiful!
• God is good - all the time.  His grace is amazing.  And I'm glad that, as I get older, I've stopped chasing the elusive dream of trying to wrap Him up in a box with a nice pretty bow.  It feels good to lean into what I don't understand, knowing that His love is enough to satisfy what I need, and to trust that He knows exactly what He's doing.

So, surrounded by the great cloud of witnesses - those living, and those gone on to be with the Lord - I am content and grateful. Here's to fifty more!