Forgiving the first time

Once upon a time, there was a little girl with curly black hair. She ruled the roost at her house until her baby brother was born, and then she had to share the limelight. Thus began 48 years of scuffles, wrestling, competition, swimming, teasing, music, nieces, nephews, highs and lows. During the early days, squabbles were frequent....but the two always knew that, when push came to shove (and there was a lot of pushing and shoving!), they could count on each other.  Grandparents told the story of correcting the little boy for some misbehavior, and the little girl reminding them that "you shouldn't talk to my brother like that!

The little girl grew up, got married, and had two little girls of her own.  The little boy grew up, too, and moved his dear family out of state. Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, a time or two in between, with the kids growing like weeds and time passing and peace.

Then came, as the author of The Shack put it, the great sadness. The boy was broken, the girl felt like someone died, and everyone in their family watched in stunned disbelief. Surely someone was to blame! Surely the girl could somehow fix it, could somehow say, "you shouldn't talk to my brother like that!" But she couldn't fix it, and the boy couldn't either. Distance and geography kept it from being quite as real for the girl.....until today.

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You could turn on the TV at any given time of day, or walk through any aisle of the library, and be surrounded with the idea of revenge.  In fact, one of the top-rated shows this season goes by that name. The range of treatments on the subject varies wildly, from reveling in vengeful victory on the one hand, to stories like The Count of Monte Cristo that show the price revenge exacts from all parties involved.

In spite of cautionary tales, most of us are wired to want to hurt those who hurt us.  We might not be able to fix anything, but it might make us feel better if the other person hurts, too. I suppose Cain felt that way when he blew up and killed Abel after stewing in his own juices for a good long while. And while Peter asked about forgiving seventy times seven, in truth it's the first time that's the hardest.

I know forgiveness is a divine quality, modeled by our Father's relationship with his people Israel, and demonstrated to the uttermost on the cross. Forgiveness is something I aspire to in theory, but when it comes right down to it, I don't want to forgive. It feels better to think badly of the other than it does to remember how much God has forgiven me. And now my time is up - I must come face to face with one whom I love dearly but who has hurt another dear one so very much.

A few weeks ago, Albert Acosta preached from John 20, where Jesus entered the locked upper room to join the apostles. He had a word about forgiveness, too - breathing on them and saying, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven.” He speaks this word to the men who had abandoned him at his point of greatest need.  Albert talked about the "breath" of creation and how that creation power is present in the act of forgiveness, a divine act. Then he started meddling:

• Unforgiveness is the absence of God.
• Where there is no forgiveness, God is not in control.
• Where we practice forgiveness in the name of Jesus, an act of creation happens all over again.

I can't do this. But God has shown the way. Please pray that He can take me, step by step, to participate in the new creation of forgiveness.